Reciprocal Host
Love beyond contracts
In 2011 Susie and I had a new need - something we had never needed before. Childcare. Our provision for working and parenting was to became a host family in the Au Pair program. This program puts together a family with a young adult from another country wanting to travel and experience the United States. At the most basic level, this is an employment contract guided by the Au Pair program's guidelines for allowed number of hours worked, mandatory time off, amount of pay, and numerous expectations for the host family and the young adult. But the hope is that the young adult becomes part of the family.
We applied to the program and began perusing the photos and bios of the people hoping to join a family. My bias was to bring someone from China into our home because I lived there and we had hopes of adopting from China someday. Certainly by God's divine providence we invited a young woman, who just graduated from college, to join our family. Gabby grew up in a Christian home, had experience taking care of her sisters' babies, and spoke very good English in contrast to my rudimentary Chinese.
After a wait to see if Gabby could get a visa, finally plane tickets were purchased and she was on her way to Denver. What we did not know that first day she arrived was that she would live with us for the next five years. The Au Pair program was a one year agreement with the possibility to renew for a second year. In the second year, Gabby applied to begin graduate school and took her first class to fulfill the education requirement of the Au Pair program. After that year, she returned home and applied for a student visa. Gabby had become part of our family. Certainly we needed her to be with Russell and later Lyla when we were off at work, but also Gabby needed us to be her host family, help her achieve her goals, and care for her.
Perhaps the saddest day of Russell's life was the day Gabby flew home to China. After she left, he went in her room to gather up every item she left behind and brought these treasures to his room. Tears of a bond between a five year old and his big sister. A relationship far deeper than an employment contract.
Fast forward seven years, our family went to visit Gabby for spring break. Gabby insisted that we stay with her in her home. She is now the host to us. Reciprocal Host. Not a fair trade for us to take in one person and she is taking in four people! But this is not a repayment or paying us back for hosting her, this is the joy of being a family. Susie tried to squeeze in and pay for a dinner out, and Gabby said, "no, please don't take this joy of hosting away from me!" This is not a contract of you did this for me so I do that for you. This is family caring for each other.
Do you ever wonder if Jesus said anything more about his parable of the Good Samaritan? I mean did Jesus just walk around giving three minute pithy answers and walk away? Or were there hours of lingering conversation that happened...if not with the crowds, at least with his inner circle traveling with him? I wonder if Jesus gave a sequel parable to the Good Samaritan about being a reciprocal host.
We all know how the Samaritan took it upon himself to host the wounded traveler, but what happened next? Did the wounded man recover and say, "whenever you come thru my town, please stop by and stay with me." Did the Good Samaritan take him up on that? Did a relationship begin? Not a contractual engagement of you do this for me and now I do that for you, but a friendship that doesn't keep score or demand repayment.
We live in a world that runs on need and excess. Sometimes it is a transaction where I have a need, you have an excess, so we negotiate a deal. Other times you have an excess and simply give some to another person in need. It seems the Good Samaritan simply did the next right thing. He wasn't looking to get repaid, compensated, or praised for the care he gave to a person in need. He simply gave from the excess he had.
I love how we had the opportunity to come full circle with Gabby to be her host family and then for her to be our host family. That was a gift we could not have imagined.